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Relationships

Why Do Women Settle For Less?

By January 5, 2015 No Comments

Over time, women have come to accept certain behavior as normal. We have reduced our expectations so much that nothing surprises or shocks us anymore. Women are willing to live with and put up with almost any behavior no matter how degrading or hurtful it might be to them. Common phrases like men will always cheat, all men are the same, he only hits me when I make him angry, don’t provoke your husband to beat you, whether you’re wrong or not just apologise to him, etc are not uncommon to hear these days, even from enlightened women. Why have we helped build a culture that neither respects nor appreciates us?

Why can’t we hold men to a higher standard? Why can’t men hold themselves to a higher standard? No, they will not always cheat, they choose to and frankly with the knowledge that their wives have come to understand and accept that reality I don’t see why they should quit it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking women to leave their husbands because they did something hurtful. I’m asking women to stop the presumption. Stop waiting for your man to cheat so you can be proven right. Help him not to.  Pray for him not to. And if he does slip and fall don’t cook his favorite meal and pamper/reward him for bad behavior while locating the other woman for a bout of fighting. Don’t keep silent. Let him know it is not okay for him to do that. You do not accept it.

I’ve heard a woman say “My dear, as long as he takes care of me and the kids, I don’t really care. He won’t change; I just pray that he doesn’t bring HIV back to infect me oh”

This is not okay! It’s not okay that he hits you. You are better than that. You deserve better than that! Hold your man responsible for his actions and stop making excuses for him. These days I find spinsters acknowledging that their man has other lady loves and choosing to stay put. Maybe you need to ask yourself who the side chick is? It’s not even marriage which is a covenant you cannot break; it’s a relationship where you can still decide if you can continue with that person forever. Not only are you losing your integrity, you’re signing on for worse behavior after marriage.

The way of peace is always best in a relationship. God has fashioned women to be peace bearers, to build their home and to make their family flourish. This doesn’t turn a woman to a foot mat though. In an upcoming post, I will discuss in detail what it means to be a submissive wife. Understanding and maturity is vital in any partnership and everybody has to meet their responsibilities in order for a relationship to flourish. This means acknowledging and making amends for your mistakes.

I won’t deny that it’s hurtful to go through these things. Most of the times you feel like you have no choice but to accept the situation and make the most of it, especially if you don’t believe in or condone divorce. I hope that by raising your standards, you start to find a sense of self worth.

Photo Credits: Huffington Post

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  • marashea says:

    I know so many women who say these exact phrases. It makes it hard for me to believe in the whole thought of marriage. When I was younger I used to watch the wedding shows and hope for that day but after seeing unhappy marriages and women settling for less it killed that thought. It killed even my self worth a little because I thought because I am so independent that’s why men don’t pursue me. My friends always I would have to teach a man to be at my standards, which I felt was stupid. I always thought that if I have to teach a man to be what I want I will be single forever because of that. I come to realize that I worth more and I deserve more and men don’t approach me because they can’t live up to my standards. Your post gives me hope that good marriages can still be a possibility. (Sorry for the long response)

    • No need to apologise! I love hearing thoughts like this. Yes it is possible. There are lots of great men out there, trust me I KNOW. we just have to learn to be ourselves. To learn not to lower our standards just so we can have a man at our side. Hold both yourself and your partner to reasonable standards and work hard to maintain them. relationships require work from both parties, one person can’t carry the load meant for both

  • blessing says:

    Thanks oke love the post I was inspired by the post because I also think men are not worth giving the attention cause am from delta state sorry to say and had bad experiences seeing their action and made my fellings for men die. But would have a rethink thou. And see how I can make my self better.

  • Bookie says:

    This is so trueeee! Women should stop letting the male folks get away with what is not right. I have heard a mother tell a daughter that ‘It is normal for a guy to beat women, they will sort it out eventually’. Crap! Women should start rejecting to be treated this way. Abuse isn’t only physical, it could be verbal or psychological. Either ways, it should not be reared. Yes, our society is patriarchal, and the women is either chided or pacified after the abuse and of course she is expected to forget it all happened and let it go. I don’t know about that. If he did it, he knew what he was doing. Ladies, women, if it’s not right, then it is not! Do not harbour it, do not hide it, do not nurse it… it will grow stronger while you grow weaker, or you become the person that you are not. It’s unfair. By the way, it happens both ways ooo.

  • […] not a new word; in fact, a lot of women have accepted it as the norm thereby raising the question Why Do Women Settle for Less? But this post isn’t all anti men, feedback from the question Are Women Hypocritical about […]

  • Herbhehola says:

    This is a bitter truth that needs to be addressed among women, so that our unborn baby girls can have a better world to live in when it cums to men issues. I personally can not tolerate quarter of what my mum tolerated from my dad!!!!!!

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